Hooplanetics

It’s no coincidence that the dictionary uses a sentence about advertising to help define the word “hoopla.” At Crispin Porter + Bogusky, Hoopla is our lifeblood. The only product we make. But it can’t be molded from plastic or stamped out of steel. It has to be conjured from thin air, through techniques more arcane and closely guarded than any black magic. Hoopla is extremely powerful stuff. But don’t take our word for it. Take our billings. At press time, our agency was collecting a BILLION dollars a year to generate hoopla for some of the world’s most powerful brands. Companies don’t spend that much for a few clever TV commercials. They do it for the immeasurable power to convert bottled water into happiness, jeans into freedom, and dish soap into salvation. They pay for the Hoopla. And we give it to them by the boatload. But one day we got to Why should rich corporations be the only ones with access to this amazing property? What if we dropped the going rate for Hoopla from a billion dollars to $16.95, and let it fall into the hands of private citizens? That’s a savings of over $999,999,983.05! What if we took everything we knew and applied it to the life of an individual person? Imagine what kind of juice that person would have! As soon as the hair on the back of our necks returned to its normal position, we began working on this book. HOOPLANETICS is a self-amplification book. The world’s first, as far as we can tell. This book will increase people. Exponentially. Meaning that if the individual in question is messed up to begin with, the stuff contained in these pages would surely turn them into a human train wreck. We’re talking freight car after flaming freight car, tumbling spectacularly into houses, children, and pets. By the time we were finished, that person would own “train wreck.” In essence, it would become their brand. That’s how HOOPLANETICS works.